Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
