Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
