Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
