So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
