its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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