the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
