She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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