He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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