Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
