I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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