I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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