Just took my morning after pill in the library
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
