The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
