when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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