Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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