Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
