she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
