i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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