Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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