No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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