can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
