o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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