Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
