i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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