My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
