found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
