i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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