Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
