don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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