I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
