my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
