We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
