my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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