Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
