Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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