that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
