Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
