yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My friends, they love my intelligence
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
