I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
