in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
too bad you live with your parents still
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
