my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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