just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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