You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
