He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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