You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
