I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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