Taylor Swift is so right about you.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
