My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
