Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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