"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
