At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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