Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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