I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
