im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
