Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
