i think my tv is drunk
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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