well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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