watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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