so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
