I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
